you stole my overture...oh I can't escape. who are we? i can't forgive you and i can't forget. why?

I started this post with the following:

"Somewhere I learned to rationalize away my emotions."

Then the cursor sat there, blinking at me. Deleeeeeeeeeeete. "Alright, think, Angelyn -- what do you actually want to write about?" ......moments pass. And finally! Ready to write!

"Somewhere I learned to rationalize away my emotions."

Blinking cursor.

I'm having trouble writing. :)

Rationalizing my emotions is obviously on my mind; I think I just hate the sentence.

It's because I know where ...I know why.... I learned to rationalize my emotions. That's not why I'm writing. I did it to deal and to cope. To eliminate at least a few worries and concerns, I learned to find the source: if I know where an emotion came from, I am much more able to handle it. I can either fix the problem or learn to deal with it. Not to mention that determining the problem source reduces hurt feelings when communicating.

But I couldn't do that today. I knew the problem, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't understand it. Today there was a moment where I was flat-out told "seriously, don't try to rationalize...stop trying to explain. How do you feel?"

Suddenly I realized I was in uncharted territory. So I explained around my feeling one more time. I explained the when-where-why-what-how. But at the core I simply felt. In all my rationalizing of how I felt I hadn't realized how I felt.

Then, suddenly, I said how I felt out loud.

A thousand thoughts jumped into my head:

"what?? no, angelyn, are you sure? don't feel like that. you can't feel that way. do you remember what happened? think about it, you know what the problem is, you know why you feel this way, you understand what was really going on there, you know what happened, you get it. how can you still feel that way?"

I'm not sure. And I don't understand. I just know I do.

So...maybe this is vague. Maybe, like I did, you sat in your 2nd grade classroom and learned that emotions were normal. Hopefully you were also like me and at the same time were dying your Elmer's glue red using a red Crayola marker.

But maybe I'm only writing so that I remember. <3 xanga.

Nothing like Good Friday to remind you of God's mercy. And in particular, this Good Friday ranks up there for that.

dearest Jesus, what law have You broken
That such sharp sentence should on You be spoken?
Of what great crime have You to make confession,
What dark transgression?

Only one more day to enjoy being my favorite song!!

Today's quote(s):